Dear Alix,

What to do if you’ve planned a casual dinner for six, the table is set, the dinner is made. But then neighbors drop off their daughter for the Halloween party in progress and end up staying a while and chatting, totally oblivious to the fact that dinner service is imminent… and they’re not on the guest list. How to resolve a situation like this without making anyone feel bad, or ruining the dinner I’ve worked hard to prepare?

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Kind Hostess:

I’m a fan of giving people a chance to catch on, thinking surely they will see the table set and just waiting to have dinner placed upon it. How long must you wait? As long as what you’ve prepared can bear it, assuming that your other guests are sufficiently supplied with drinks and snacks. If the lasagna is drying out in the oven and still no light bulb has appeared over the heads of your drop-ins, try something like “Ah, there goes the timer! We’re just about to sit down for dinner and would love it if you would join us.” Likely they will refuse, but your gracious invitation — issued with real sincerity, one hopes — will leave your excellent neighborly relations intact. And if they accept, squeeze in two more place settings, cut the pieces of lasagna a little smaller, open another bottle of wine and it will be as though the meal was always meant for eight.

Divine Ms. Alix,

I recently received a birth announcement from a former colleague who I worked with briefly a few years ago. While I’m delighted at the birth of his child, I was surprised to be included since we did not socialize when working together and have not been in touch recently. I’d like to do something to acknowledge the new addition to his family, but I’m not sure what is appropriate. Help!

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Dear Properly Acknowledged:

How thoughtful of your former colleague to include you on his announcement list. I picture him absolutely thrilled, pleased as punch, and wanting to shout his news from the rooftops.

Given that your relationship was a professional one and that you didn’t socialize outside the office, I think that there is no need to send a gift. (As you might if the announcement had been from a good friend, or from someone with whom you felt a strong personal connection.)

Rather, I suggest sending a card with a nicely written personal message. Surely he would have included his return address on the announcement mailed to you, but if not you can try WhitePages.com to locate the information. And if it happens that you’re not able to find the address without too much difficulty, then consider yourself off the etiquette hook. In that case you’ve tried your best to send a note, but now are only required to think very happy thoughts for the new family and the best for their future.

Dear Alix,

I’m no sommelier but I enjoy wine and usually have a small population of bottles coming and going. My wife and I like to throw dinner parties and the occasional large celebration. We have extraordinary friends that usually contribute a bottle of nice wine when they are invited over. Each of our friends deserves to be honored and in an ideal world we’d sit down and savor each gifted bottle of wine. But the reality is that we like to bring wine to other people’s parties too, and quite often we just grab something that looks good from our collection. My concern is that we may, at some point or another, re-gift a bottle of wine back to the same person who once brought it to our home (or maybe we already have!), which would seem inconsiderate. I’ve thought about keeping some tags in the kitchen to label where each bottle of wine came from, but given that our wines are out in the open, the tags could seem a bit tacky.

What would Alix do?

Sincerely,
Wino with a Conscience

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Dear Wino with a Conscience,

The good new is that if you have already return-gifted, I’m sure the recipient assumed that the two of you shared the same excellent taste in wine. First and foremost, though, I applaud the question. I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one who thinks about this! (Anyone else, or is it just me and Wino, folks?) I’ve spent some time pondering this question for myself, and finally came up with a very low-tech system: sticky notes. Keep a pad handy and at the end of the night, label any of the wine your friends brought that remains unconsumed. I recommend writing the name of the bearer and the date, and sticking the note to the underside of the bottle where it rests on the shelf. Out of view when others gaze longingly at your wine collection, but not so well hidden that when you pull the bottle out to bring to another party you’ll hand it over with the note still attached. It’s for that reason that I don’t suggest putting the note on the bottom of the bottle, which could make for a, um, sticky situation.